Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I'm mad, ticked off, hurt and upset

I am upset with my husband right now so I am going to let go some steam right here. It is a trivial thing really but he just doesn't get it. He told me over supper this evening that I am getting a double chin. Well that is probably true I am sixty after all and everything sags! Another point he has made.

We women don't need to be told that we are getting less attractive, we are our own fiercest critics. This hurts especially since I have lost 15lbs in the last 4 months. I need to be encouraged, getting old in our society does not come with honour.

I have told him before that it would be nice to be told sometimes that I look nice, that an outfit I am wearing looks good, etc., but he just says I must be insecure in that I need him to admire me once in a while. I think it is a built in human need, not just women need to be admired and appreciated. I often tell him he looks good when he gets dressed up, or something he does has turned out great, but if I ask him if he enjoyed his meal he looks surprised and says "Well I ate it didn't I".

Now don't get me wrong I know he loves me, and I love him, but he just doesn't believe in compliments, although I notice he likes me to make note of the efforts he makes fixing up our place. He only notices when his daughters have put on a few pounds but never mentions when they have made an effort in another area.

I think this might be the English way of backhanded encouragement. I remember my father and aunt doing it to me. Point out the bad things and maybe they'll do better, seemed to be the maxim when I was growing up. My father used say to me "How come you only got a B+ why didn't you get an A". I have heard my husband's daughters complain that he also used to say things like this. We all need encouragement in this world we certainly don't need our nearest and dearest to pull us down.

So I got mad at him for being insensitive but I still don't think he will change, after all he's 69 and you can't teach old dogs new tricks, so that means I will be bitchy once in a while when I get upset. So now who apologizes first, I probably will because he just doesn't see why I should have got upset in the first place. So that makes me madder still!


RUTH said...

Oh I can understand you needing a rant. I'm not a thin person and never will be and I once had a friend who offered me her old maternity clothes! I know her intentions were good but it really upset me. Still remember it now and it was 30 years ago! My biggest gripe is when I've spent ages cleaning and someone walks in and notices a spiders web I've missed; I even bought myself a fridge magnet once which says "Nobody notices what I do until I have'nt done it!"
It could certainly be an "English" a child nothing but perfection was good enough as far as my parents were concerned. I think that far from encouraging me it disheartened me as I felt I'd never live up to their ideals.
p.s. may I say how nice you look today :o)

Theresa111 said...

Instead of serving him dinner for two weeks, I would suggest you do exercises during his dinner time. Right where he can see you.

The only dinner I would serve him would be a plate full of cooled down food right over his head. Then I should ask him if he liked it.

Men are so obtuse sometimes and I think it's their way of mental cruelty. Hitting one without leaving marks.

You could always find someone younger than he and flirt.

david mcmahon said...

G'day from Australia,

Thanks, Vic, for commenting on my blog today. I have to say I really did enjoy this post.

Like you say, some men (not all) do comment on things like that. And there's nothing wrong with pointing out that such comments can upset the people they're directed at.

I see you and I hear you. But can I let you into a Big Secret ....
I reckon double chins are the new black!

Will be back to visit more often.

Keep smiling


mrsnesbitt said...

Hello there, so glad i discovered you via Ruth..............
well I am speechless at such a comment,....did the table knife miss his skull as you threw it from the table?

I am on a weight loss program at the moment.............I gained 1lb last week....
arrived home and was soooooooooooooo low!
Hubby offered to share his cider!


Great to get to know you!
Any friend of Ruth's is a friend of mine!


The Insane Writer said...

Mine is not a weight issue. My husband just refuses to tell me I am beautiful. He would tell his pet rats that they were beautiful, but telling me I am, was out of the question. I pointed out how he told his rats that they were beautiful and not He hasn't told his rats they're beautiful, since then.