A few months ago I flew home at my mother's request, she said that life was getting increasingly difficult for her looking after my father and she felt that he needed better care than she was able to give. They were both 85 years old and although my mother could still look after herself she could no longer care for my father. He was having difficulty getting around, needing her to fetch and carry for him and get his meals and he was starting to become rather demanding, seeming to forget that she was elderly too. I spent three weeks with her going to various care homes in her area. It was a difficult decision for her emotionally but she knew that it was one that would benefit both of them of he went to live in a care home.
Most of the care homes in her area were very accommodating, even suggesting that my father could bring his dog with him, and that my mother could spend overnight visits if she wished, and could eat there too, so she would not have to cook for herself. I thought this was a good idea so that it would not be a big jump for her when the day came that she would also join my father in the care home. I could see that it would only be a couple more years, at most, before she would no longer be able to look after the house and herself. I lived in another country so I could not be there to help and I felt relieved that they both would be getting better care than I was able to give.